From: "William Steinmetz (Borders Buyer)"
To: "Computer Book Publishers"
Subject: Useless Titles

Seriously, the three BGI Buyers -- me from Waldenbooks, Carla Bayha from
Borders and Rick Neubert also from Borders -- had a lot of time on the
plane out to San Diego and went a little nuts coming up with ideas for
John Levine's "Worst Computer Book Proposal" contest.  Unfortunately,
the contest never took place thanks to a loud boat, loud people, and a
mike which wasn't quite loud enough, but at the end of the conference we
had seven pages' worth of Hilton notepads filled with bad proposals.
We'd hate to waste 'em.  (We also plan to archive them and see how many
actually get published in the next year.)

Upgrade Your Palm Pilot To A Very Small Etch-A-Sketch
A Celebration Of Banner Ads
Yellow Pages Of Orphaned Websites
101 Uses For A Dead Palm Pilot
SAP R/3 For Small Businesses
Silicon Valley Of The Dolls
Better Blackmail With Digital Photography!
1001 Ways To Crash Your Computer
Click And Drag: The Best Transvestite Sites On The Internet
Indoor Gardening On Your Keyboard
Using Push Technology
How To Create Dynamic PowerPoint Slides!
A Complete Guide To Computer Book Backlist
MCSE: Microsoft Cons Stupid Employers
SAP R/3 In 24 Hours
The Blackmail Blackbook
How To Lose Your Shirt On An Internet Start-Up
Security Programming For Underpaid, Disgruntled Employees
Building A Prison Intranet
Piss Off The Entire World In 24 Hours Via Gratuitous Spam (a.k.a. "The
Spam Exam Cram")
Designing Your Pedophile Website
Free Long Distance Calls To The Mothership Using The Internet
Martha Stewart's Guide To Clean Crafts Projects Using AOL Disks
Canada Online For Dummies
Perl Programming For Dyslexics
Overcoming Learning Disabilities For Dummies
Counterfeiting The HP Way
Chicken Soup For Bill Gates
Solve The Year 2000 Problem In 21 Months
Changing Your Sex Online
Illegally Copying Microsoft Software For Fun And Profit
Dress For Success: Special Programmers' Edition
The Commodore 64 Developers' Guide
Internet For The Amish
Soul Of A New Washing Machine
The Visual Display Of Worthless Information
Fun With Toner Cartridges
The Only Computer Book You'll Ever Need
How To Get More Email
Year 2000 Problem: Mac Edition
Ethics For Web Developers
Be For Dummies
Integrating Microsoft Bob And Windows CE
Vanity License Plates For IT Professionals
Venture Capital For Dummies
IPO's For Dummies
How To Write Business Articles Without Mentioning Microsoft
Fixing Your Y2K Problem: The Mythical Man-Millennium
Backslash For Programmers
Backslash: The Movie
They Know You're A Dog: Internet Privacy Issues For Animals
Fake The Technical Interview!  (By Bob Bogus, MCSA, CNO)
Gaslighting Your Network Admin
Virus-A-Day Desktop Calendar (with CD!)
Marketing Prematurely Released Products
NoDoze For Breakfast: 500 Ways To Keep Your Programmers Awake
Cook Your Books With QuickBooks
Successful Computer Book Publishing Mergers
Stinking In Java
Using Chat Rooms For Secure Electronic Transactions
Build Your Own Pentium Chip
Celestine Prophecies For Windows 98
Web Programming For Apocalyptic Cults, OR: The REAL Year 200 Solution
Show And Tell 200: Using PowerPoint Slides To Leverage Kindergarten
Education
Powerpoint For Dumb Ideas
A Completre List Of Passwords
How To Make A Million Creating Your Own Certification Program
Bundling For Fun & Profit
Chicken Soup For The Computer Virus
Cryptic Error Messages For Dummies
Programming Your Microwave (by Charles Petzold)
How I Wrote This Book To Satisfy A Contractual Obligation
The Microsoft Man-Month
Mastering WordPerfect 3-7 Bundle
Maximize Your Web Page Load Time!
Using Excel As Your Web Browser
Creating An Infinite Loop Email Attachment
Doctoral Theses Off The Web
Protecting Yourself Against Imaginary Viruses
How To Meet Convicted Felons On The Internet
Clip Art Up The Wazoo!
Professional Publishing With Print Shop Deluxe
Peter Norton's Guide To Ghost Writing
Glamour Photography For Computer Book Covers
Chaos Theory For Perl
Applies Chaos Theory For Software Developers
Advancement Of The Specials With MS Access 97
It Takes A Chat Room
The Chat Rooms Of Madison County
The Man Who Loves Software
Of Mice And Men
Spreading The Hanta Virus With Your Mouse
Choosing The Mousepad That's Right For You
WordPad Unleashed
Screen Saver Feng Shui
Cubicle Feng Shui
Bob Vila's Designing Web Graphics
Computer Books For $10 A Day
Destroy Your Military Career With Personal Web Pages
How To Share Your Credit Info
Ensuring Job Security Through Custom-Written Applications


William "Ferrett" Steinmetz
Computer Book Buyer, Waldenbooks
"I was confused.  I was not aware that making up a story and lying to
the police is against the law." -- Goran Rasmussen, Swedish tourist,
later convincted of counterfeiting